Ninjapino's Blog

Show Etiquette

Posted in Assholes, Shows by ninjapino on March 1, 2010

My ears are ringing once again. I’m assuming that by the time I’m in my mid-30s I might be slightly deaf. Why? I fucking love shows. Another weekend, another great show by one of my favorite bands to see, Dot Dot Dot. They are amazing. Check out their Facebook and Myspace page. (It’s really late so I don’t feel like linking them. Do it your own damn self.) Yes, you should definitely go to one of their shows sometime. What you shouldn’t do, if you go, is be a douchebag.

It’s time to talk about show etiquette. My friends and I like to get to a show early. Why? Because we like to be at the front of the stage. It’s fun, it’s exciting, you get to interact and see the band much much better then if you were anywhere else. However, this is not always possible. Sometimes, we either arrive late and/or people arrive early and our spot is taken. What does one do in this situation? The response that seems to be the norm for most people is to wiggle through and slightly shove other people out of the way until you slime yourself into your desired position. This is not the proper solution. This is being a douchebag. You don’t get the spot, here is our response and should be yours, too. Don’t be a douchebag. Yes, it sucks. You’re not in the prime placement. Who the fuck cares. You can still enjoy the show. Trust me, I know from my times of people being in our favorite place before us. It will be okay.

Tonight was a prime example. The Bluebird had free cover until 11. So, as we expected by getting there about 10:45 or so, there were already people there and in our spot. “Shit”, we said. But we stood our ground right behind the girls in front of us, talked to them, made friends, and overall had a good time. Then….the douches.

They come in many forms, the douches. There are the type that “NEED” to get up front to feel up the singer, guitarist, or bassist. (Though, you are lovely, L3. You my homie) Here’s something to ponder. THE BAND DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU. Think about that for a moment and you will realize the validity of this statement. That doesn’t mean they don’t care about you as a fan. They love their fans. However, they do not know you, individually, in any actual capacity. They go from town to town, playing show after show. They will let you feel them up and act like they are into it because they are good show men (and women) and want to please their fans. That is why you love to go to their shows. I, for one, am not one to do this because I cannot imagine it being anything other then annoying, but if you are in a band, you will tolerate it for the cause. So, please, for the love of all that is holy, you do not, I repeat, DO NOT need to shove through the crowd and push people aside just to feel up Adam’s legs. Another time, another place, if you are already up in the front and want to look like a groupie. Plus, they like to hang out in the bar after they are done, anyway, and you can have an actual conversation with them. I know, amazing, huh? It’s like they are regular human beings! They interact and everything! I think Stephan actually comes pre-packaged with a kung-fu grip, too!

Speaking of touching, this brings up my second point, touching. Yes, I know the bar is crowded. Bumping into other people or having little room is understandable. People might ask you to scoot a little if you have some extra room, but it’s no big deal. People are generally nice and will calmly ask you to move over and, vice versa, if you ask them, they tend to move a bit. However, do not be the dickhole that has to be right up on other people. Do not lean against people. Do not try to get in-between people where there is obviously no room. See rule one. You do not NEED to get up front. Stay back. You came late. Deal with it. The worst thing about people who do this, is that they also seem to be the type who just wants to get into a fight. You ask them to not lean against you like a cuntbag and they want to yell at you. All this leads to is people hating you. No amount of douchery will get you through. Okay, correction. There are some pussies that will just give up and move back and give the “superfan” (who most of the time doesn’t even really know the band that well and are just drunk and/or think they’re awesome) the room he so desperately wanted in front of you. And, girls, I know you might think your man is big and strong and can get you to the front, but don’t try to start shit because people won’t let him through. Why is it so many times the girlfriend is instigating shit and trying to get her boy to fight us because they want the spot we already have? Fuck you. I might not be that great of a fighter, but A)it’s not just me your annoying, I have plenty of friends that I both brought with me and made while there and not being a dick, B) nobody there likes you, and C)I’m normally sober, you’re normally not.

Overall, just don’t be an asshole. There will be other shows. There will be other bands. There will be other cocks for you to suck, as you seem to like to do. Be considerate of other people. As I was saying, tonight, we had a group in front of us. We were nice to them. Actually turned out I knew one of them and the others had a mutual acquaintance with Kyle. We talked, we got along, we partied and rocked out. Our group grew, which benefits to no end. If one person needed to use the bathroom or get a drink, we helped them save their spot and they did the same for us. There was no spot stealing, there was no fighting, there was just a good time.

Along with that, if you see a group of friends together, that is pretty much the rudest thing you can do is get between them. Again, all this stems from people just HAVING to get closer, but my friends and I have devised ways to make you sorry for doing so. We tend to rock out just a little bit harder then before and you will realize we like to sing to each other and headbag…right in your face. Don’t be a dick and it won’t happen to you.

On top of that, not being a dickhead gets you other benefits. The band is used to people trying to act awesome. They’re not buying it. You act like you are their “biggest fan ever!” by doing things that make the general populous want to punch you, they will ignore you. The band is more willing to be friendly with you and actually want to talk to you (sometimes actually hang out outside of their shows, trust me) if you act like a normal human being. I know this may be hard for many of you, but quit being a moron. Please for the sake of your teeth still all being in your mouth and me not being kicked out of the bar with bloody knuckles.