Ninjapino's Blog

Vent

Posted in Life in general by ninjapino on April 22, 2011

Write, damn you…..just fucking write…..you know you’re good at this…..or at least you used to be until you let yourself go.  You stopped exercising……you got lazy and stopped working out your writing skills and now you are out of shape.

Here I am, another sleepless night sitting in bed with my laptop.  No reason, no purpose, just my brain is letting itself wander from thought to thought stopping at a million points, all of them wonderful ideas or, at the very least, interesting in some respect.  They aren’t inherently good, but you can make them good and you know you can.  It’s time to start working out again.  Get back to those wonderful short stories and half a scripts you used to do in your short college career.

It’s weird, I’m in a better position in my life where I have time to write and very little distraction from doing so, yet I have fallen so far that it’s hard for me to do so.  Maybe that’s the problem.  Maybe I need chaos.  I have no muse.  The closest to one I ever had was the frustrations in my life caused by the chaos.  But if that’s the case, then I’d have to deal with the chaos again.  Do I honestly wish that upon myself?  No…..no, I do not.

Do I wish this contentedness I now have?  It has made me soft, in a sense.  It’s comfortable now.  I have no reason or right to complain…..but it lost me the fury I truly felt in life that caused my true writing.  I’ll feel it in short burst now, but I am having trouble channeling it.  Is that a good thing?  Or would it be better to force myself to suffer in order to share it with the world?  Or do I need to find a happy medium?  A way to channel that energy while not driving myself to the insane point I was previously at?  But, then, will it truly be honest?  Or would it be a half-ass attempt at what I really could do if given the proper motivation.

Hell, I don’t know…..all I know is that I need to start working out more often…..too many ideas are going to waste in my fat little brain.

Fuck.