Ninjapino's Blog

Michael Cera Vs. The World.

Posted in Uncategorized by ninjapino on March 30, 2010

Dear Hollywood,

Stop putting Michael Cera in good movies.

Thank you.

Sorry, I should probably explain that little diatribe.  As many of you know, I am a nerd.  I take pride in being a nerd.  And in doing so, I do nerdy things such as reading comics.  Sometimes these comics get made into movies.  This can be a wonderful and horrible thing.  We have seen great comic book movies (Watchmen, The Dark Knight, The Incredible Hulk) and horrible concoctions of film that are an assault on the eyes (Fantastic Four, Spiderman 3, Ang Lee’s Hulk).  One of the newest comics-to-film that is coming out is Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.  Now, which category does this fall under.  Let’s do the breakdown.

Pro: It is being directed by the wonderful Edgar Wright.  If you do not know this name, learn it.  He is the genius behind the Blood and Ice Cream trilogy which consist of Shawn of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and soon, The World’s End.  This man knows how to do funny, entertaining movies.  And I really need to watch Spaced…..

Pro: It’s based off of the Scott Pilgrim books.  I’ll admit, I’ve only  read the first two and that was a while ago, but I didn’t stop because I didn’t like them.  They are hilariously awesome and unlike anything I’ve read before.  I simply never got around to it.

Pro:  Well, just watch the trailer.

Now for the Con.  I’ll be honest, it’s only one.  But it’s enough.

It stars Michael Cera.

Bull-fucking-shit!  Why, Hollywood?  Why do you keep doing this to us?  Do we not serve you well?  Do we not let you pretty much get away with whatever atrocity you want to call film and give you millions of dollars for doing so?  Why do you continue to let this guy stay famous?  How many other mid-20 somethings do you have stored in a back closet just waiting for their chance to shine yet you keep using this guy.

This guy..... is playing this guy....

“Oh, but I love his movies!”, you say.  “Superbad was hilarious.”  “Nick and Nora was adorable”  “Arrested Development was one of the greatest TV shows of all time” “Year One….well, yeah, Year One sucked monkey balls…”  These are the things people think of when they think of Michael Cera and all of these things are correct.  But do not, for a second, think that any of this is due to that, to quote a not-so-famous Michael Boltan, “no-talent ass clown”.

Go back and watch all those movies.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.  Well, okay, I’m not actually waiting….this has already been posted by the time you read this, so you can just read it at your own leisure.  But take as much time as you need.  Then you can pretend that I waited for you and that I’m that nice and patient of a guy.  Oh, good, you’re back.  Notice anything?  Michael Cera never plays a single different rolls.  He barely talks, kinda stammers, is constantly looking either down at the ground or wide-eyed as if he’s afraid something might attack him at any time.  Now look for an interview with him online.  He’s exactly the same.  Why?  Because he’s not fucking acting!

I honestly have no idea why this guy is famous.  He is the most awkward human being I have ever seen.  His expression never changes and when his roll doesn’t call for an awkward teen/college student, he seems terribly out of place.  Please….just stop….


3 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. iambaker said, on March 30, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    I feel like this post could have just ended with “I don’t like Michael Cera” and then I wouldn’t have wasted five minutes of my life reading about it. One sentence Joe. That’s all we need. BaHaHaHaHaHa. Also, I love you.

  2. mrsjamiecbaker said, on April 27, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    Awww…. I like Michael Cera! Please don’t hate it 🙂

  3. Tuck-Nasty said, on May 20, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Dude. Year One was the shit. Groundhog Day, Ghostbustin-ass Harold Ramis is awesome!.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: