Ninjapino's Blog

Michael Cera Vs. The World.

Posted in Uncategorized by ninjapino on March 30, 2010

Dear Hollywood,

Stop putting Michael Cera in good movies.

Thank you.

Sorry, I should probably explain that little diatribe.  As many of you know, I am a nerd.  I take pride in being a nerd.  And in doing so, I do nerdy things such as reading comics.  Sometimes these comics get made into movies.  This can be a wonderful and horrible thing.  We have seen great comic book movies (Watchmen, The Dark Knight, The Incredible Hulk) and horrible concoctions of film that are an assault on the eyes (Fantastic Four, Spiderman 3, Ang Lee’s Hulk).  One of the newest comics-to-film that is coming out is Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.  Now, which category does this fall under.  Let’s do the breakdown.

Pro: It is being directed by the wonderful Edgar Wright.  If you do not know this name, learn it.  He is the genius behind the Blood and Ice Cream trilogy which consist of Shawn of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and soon, The World’s End.  This man knows how to do funny, entertaining movies.  And I really need to watch Spaced…..

Pro: It’s based off of the Scott Pilgrim books.  I’ll admit, I’ve only  read the first two and that was a while ago, but I didn’t stop because I didn’t like them.  They are hilariously awesome and unlike anything I’ve read before.  I simply never got around to it.

Pro:  Well, just watch the trailer.

Now for the Con.  I’ll be honest, it’s only one.  But it’s enough.

It stars Michael Cera.

Bull-fucking-shit!  Why, Hollywood?  Why do you keep doing this to us?  Do we not serve you well?  Do we not let you pretty much get away with whatever atrocity you want to call film and give you millions of dollars for doing so?  Why do you continue to let this guy stay famous?  How many other mid-20 somethings do you have stored in a back closet just waiting for their chance to shine yet you keep using this guy.

This guy..... is playing this guy....

“Oh, but I love his movies!”, you say.  “Superbad was hilarious.”  “Nick and Nora was adorable”  “Arrested Development was one of the greatest TV shows of all time” “Year One….well, yeah, Year One sucked monkey balls…”  These are the things people think of when they think of Michael Cera and all of these things are correct.  But do not, for a second, think that any of this is due to that, to quote a not-so-famous Michael Boltan, “no-talent ass clown”.

Go back and watch all those movies.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.  Well, okay, I’m not actually waiting….this has already been posted by the time you read this, so you can just read it at your own leisure.  But take as much time as you need.  Then you can pretend that I waited for you and that I’m that nice and patient of a guy.  Oh, good, you’re back.  Notice anything?  Michael Cera never plays a single different rolls.  He barely talks, kinda stammers, is constantly looking either down at the ground or wide-eyed as if he’s afraid something might attack him at any time.  Now look for an interview with him online.  He’s exactly the same.  Why?  Because he’s not fucking acting!

I honestly have no idea why this guy is famous.  He is the most awkward human being I have ever seen.  His expression never changes and when his roll doesn’t call for an awkward teen/college student, he seems terribly out of place.  Please….just stop….

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Ditch

Posted in Uncategorized by ninjapino on March 21, 2010

Yes, tonight, I was ditched.  I was supposed to meet a girl tonight.  I told her to meet me with my friends tonight for drinks?  So what did I do when she never showed up?  Got drunk.   Yep.  That is my life.   I love my life.  But, of course, I can never get anyone else to love it with me.  It sucks.  Yes, I love my friends.   They are currently over here enjoying my apartment, which I love having people over.  Yet, instead of enjoying the night, I get pissed off and drunk because, once again, I was left by myself by a girl that told me she was interested.  Why does this happen?  Yes, I am drunk.   And I don’t give a shit.  And the girl that I actually want to be with basically told me to give up.  She doesn’t want to be with me.  Neither do random girls I meet.  So, apparently, girls that actually have feelings for and random girls that don’t, neither have feelings for me or want to be with me.  Awesome.   Whatever.  I give up.   I love the female form.  It, apparently, doesn’t love me.

The Pursuit of Happyness

Posted in Uncategorized by ninjapino on March 17, 2010

Ignore the fact that stole the title of my post from a book turned Will Smith movie.  Moving on.

A couple days ago, a friend of mine joined a group on Facebook entitled “No, I don’t drink or smoke.  I just deal with my problems.”  He is the exact type of person to join such a group.  He’s a hippy, vegan, artist and one of the most amazing guitarist I’ve ever met.  I love this man.  He’s happy-go-lucky to the point where it almost becomes unbearable, though.  I honestly have to say that he puts up with almost too much from people and won’t say a word and acts as if it never bothers him.  It got me to thinking.  Is that what I’m missing?

Now, for those of you that don’t know me that well, let me tell you a little background.  I am a born again atheist.  Yes, you heard that right.  I was born and raised in the church and lived by it wholeheartedly.  Then, over a course of time, for many different reasons, I saw the light.  Oh, lordy, lordy, I’ve been saved from belief in the Lord!

With these newly opened eyes many more opportunities were open to me.  I didn’t go overboard with anything, but I did start things such as drinking, smoking (not tobacco, I’m not stupid.  I don’t do anything that is chemically addictive), and having the occasional promiscuous rendezvous with the beautiful (admittedly, sometimes not so beautiful)  creatures of the opposite sex.   Now, I’m not saying these are good things.  Some of the times, they are far from it.   But I do enjoy them.  But do they make me happy?  Or am I simply doing them to make myself think I’m happy because, as my friends group stated, I cannot deal with my problems?

Back in my time of being a closed minded individual, I honestly cannot think of a single time I was truly happy with myself.   Yes, I did have a smile on.  I sang, I danced, I praised the lord and did other normal teenage stuff within limits of my faith.  I condemned sex, drugs, and rock and roll with the exception of Christian rock because I could not stand the likes of Michael W. Smith.  But in truth, I was a very unhappy person.  You ask anybody who knew me back then.  Most of them I don’t talk to much anymore for various reasons, but I had some issues.  I blocked my friends, reveled in drama, and wrote sad poetry about how worthless I was.  I was emo before being emo was cool.  (Why the fuck is it cool now, though?  That’s my question.)

But, this post isn’t about my decent into madness.  That will be saved for another day.  What this is about is the question of “am I happy now?”.   Truthfully, I have to say, “Yes”.  I actually am happy right now.  What people like my formerly mentioned friend don’t understand is that substances like booze are not always a way to escape for people.   No, I am not denying that for some people it is.  For some, it’s a serious issue.  But for me and my kind, it’s not.  Religion is what I abused.  But now, I’ve gotten myself away from everything that made me hate who I was.  I do not deny myself  the choice of doing what I feel should be done.  All these substances are for me is a way for me to enhance the atmosphere around me.  I can definitely have fun without them.  I have on many occasions.  My friends know that I willingly choose to be our DD on many nights simply because I want them to have as much fun as they can.

I’m seriously the happiest I have been in a long time right now and it’s not because of any chemicals or lack thereof.  It’s  simply because, as of right now in my life, I have a good job that, even though it sucks, it keeps me going and could be a lot worse, I have amazing friends who I love and would do anything for, and I honestly have nothing bad in my life right now.  The only thing I feel missing right now is a female companion, but the love I have for my friends is enough for right now.  It kinda sucks because I will admit to always having been a hopeless romantic at heart, but I can deal.  Back in the day, I wouldn’t have thought that.  I would have thought that losing the girl (not that I’ve fully given up on her yet) was the end of it all.  But I no longer need anything to fill any gaps.  I’m whole.  Something I was always told faith would fill yet never did.  I mean, I love you, Sara, but that is one thing you got wrong.  It’s okay to let yourself free.  Just because it alters your perception, doesn’t mean it alters you.  It only does if you let it.

People, I love life and you can’t convince me otherwise.  Yes, there are other things I want, but nothing I feel I need right now.  I might bitch, I might complain, but that’s just because, at times, I slip and become greedy.  Be the trouble you want to see in the world.  As long as you love where you’re at and you’re not harming anyone, fuck everyone else.  Don’t let them tell you how to be happy.  If they are trying to convince you that something will, they are probably trying to convince themselves, too.   Have fun, humans.

Get a Life

Posted in Life in general by ninjapino on March 6, 2010

I’ve noticed something.  Everyday, weekend or not, if I’m ever getting back home after 9pm, there is not a single parking space anywhere near my building.  What the hell, people.  Unfortunately, I have never had the chance to really meet any of my neighbors, but I have seen them about.  Majority of them are not much farther from my age (mid-20s), yet I seem to be the only one that stays out late.  Especially weekends.  I know I do not have that exciting of a life.  I enjoy what I do and I enjoy hanging out with my friends.  Is this no longer the norm for those recently turned adult?  I thought this was the time of our freedom.  Get out of your house for something other then work!  Leave me a parking space!

It’s odd.  At times like this, I wonder.  Am I actually older then I think I am?  As a fan of Kevin Smith’s work, I grew up believing that this was the time to figure out who we are and what we want to do.  Not start settling down.  Who has time for that shit?  Maybe I just am late because I skipped most of college.  However, sadly, I am starting to feel the pains of getting older quite literally.  I actually have a muscle cramp in my chest right now.  My lower back was hurting most of the week after the Dot Dot Dot show on Saturday.   I don’t want to be getting older.

I know a lot of this can also be contributed to the fact that I haven’t worked out in forever.  I plan on changing this, soon, but still…..I should be able to put my body through any type of torture and come out unscathed.  I’m not used to this.  Body, I command you to go back to the resilience you had five years ago.  I was boring five years ago and didn’t use you properly.  Now I am and you are acting like it’s too late.  Fuck that.  I still get in argument of Batman vs Superman and play with Ninja Turtles and Legos sometimes.  This isn’t right.  They say that age is only in your mind.  Tell that to my fucking body (or lack of fucking, maybe) and hopefully it’ll listen.  I’m (not) too old for this shit!

Show Etiquette

Posted in Assholes, Shows by ninjapino on March 1, 2010

My ears are ringing once again. I’m assuming that by the time I’m in my mid-30s I might be slightly deaf. Why? I fucking love shows. Another weekend, another great show by one of my favorite bands to see, Dot Dot Dot. They are amazing. Check out their Facebook and Myspace page. (It’s really late so I don’t feel like linking them. Do it your own damn self.) Yes, you should definitely go to one of their shows sometime. What you shouldn’t do, if you go, is be a douchebag.

It’s time to talk about show etiquette. My friends and I like to get to a show early. Why? Because we like to be at the front of the stage. It’s fun, it’s exciting, you get to interact and see the band much much better then if you were anywhere else. However, this is not always possible. Sometimes, we either arrive late and/or people arrive early and our spot is taken. What does one do in this situation? The response that seems to be the norm for most people is to wiggle through and slightly shove other people out of the way until you slime yourself into your desired position. This is not the proper solution. This is being a douchebag. You don’t get the spot, here is our response and should be yours, too. Don’t be a douchebag. Yes, it sucks. You’re not in the prime placement. Who the fuck cares. You can still enjoy the show. Trust me, I know from my times of people being in our favorite place before us. It will be okay.

Tonight was a prime example. The Bluebird had free cover until 11. So, as we expected by getting there about 10:45 or so, there were already people there and in our spot. “Shit”, we said. But we stood our ground right behind the girls in front of us, talked to them, made friends, and overall had a good time. Then….the douches.

They come in many forms, the douches. There are the type that “NEED” to get up front to feel up the singer, guitarist, or bassist. (Though, you are lovely, L3. You my homie) Here’s something to ponder. THE BAND DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU. Think about that for a moment and you will realize the validity of this statement. That doesn’t mean they don’t care about you as a fan. They love their fans. However, they do not know you, individually, in any actual capacity. They go from town to town, playing show after show. They will let you feel them up and act like they are into it because they are good show men (and women) and want to please their fans. That is why you love to go to their shows. I, for one, am not one to do this because I cannot imagine it being anything other then annoying, but if you are in a band, you will tolerate it for the cause. So, please, for the love of all that is holy, you do not, I repeat, DO NOT need to shove through the crowd and push people aside just to feel up Adam’s legs. Another time, another place, if you are already up in the front and want to look like a groupie. Plus, they like to hang out in the bar after they are done, anyway, and you can have an actual conversation with them. I know, amazing, huh? It’s like they are regular human beings! They interact and everything! I think Stephan actually comes pre-packaged with a kung-fu grip, too!

Speaking of touching, this brings up my second point, touching. Yes, I know the bar is crowded. Bumping into other people or having little room is understandable. People might ask you to scoot a little if you have some extra room, but it’s no big deal. People are generally nice and will calmly ask you to move over and, vice versa, if you ask them, they tend to move a bit. However, do not be the dickhole that has to be right up on other people. Do not lean against people. Do not try to get in-between people where there is obviously no room. See rule one. You do not NEED to get up front. Stay back. You came late. Deal with it. The worst thing about people who do this, is that they also seem to be the type who just wants to get into a fight. You ask them to not lean against you like a cuntbag and they want to yell at you. All this leads to is people hating you. No amount of douchery will get you through. Okay, correction. There are some pussies that will just give up and move back and give the “superfan” (who most of the time doesn’t even really know the band that well and are just drunk and/or think they’re awesome) the room he so desperately wanted in front of you. And, girls, I know you might think your man is big and strong and can get you to the front, but don’t try to start shit because people won’t let him through. Why is it so many times the girlfriend is instigating shit and trying to get her boy to fight us because they want the spot we already have? Fuck you. I might not be that great of a fighter, but A)it’s not just me your annoying, I have plenty of friends that I both brought with me and made while there and not being a dick, B) nobody there likes you, and C)I’m normally sober, you’re normally not.

Overall, just don’t be an asshole. There will be other shows. There will be other bands. There will be other cocks for you to suck, as you seem to like to do. Be considerate of other people. As I was saying, tonight, we had a group in front of us. We were nice to them. Actually turned out I knew one of them and the others had a mutual acquaintance with Kyle. We talked, we got along, we partied and rocked out. Our group grew, which benefits to no end. If one person needed to use the bathroom or get a drink, we helped them save their spot and they did the same for us. There was no spot stealing, there was no fighting, there was just a good time.

Along with that, if you see a group of friends together, that is pretty much the rudest thing you can do is get between them. Again, all this stems from people just HAVING to get closer, but my friends and I have devised ways to make you sorry for doing so. We tend to rock out just a little bit harder then before and you will realize we like to sing to each other and headbag…right in your face. Don’t be a dick and it won’t happen to you.

On top of that, not being a dickhead gets you other benefits. The band is used to people trying to act awesome. They’re not buying it. You act like you are their “biggest fan ever!” by doing things that make the general populous want to punch you, they will ignore you. The band is more willing to be friendly with you and actually want to talk to you (sometimes actually hang out outside of their shows, trust me) if you act like a normal human being. I know this may be hard for many of you, but quit being a moron. Please for the sake of your teeth still all being in your mouth and me not being kicked out of the bar with bloody knuckles.